We all like the crisp feel of clean sheets. We all like the warm embrace of a thick quilt in the depths of winter. We all like to wake up refreshed and ready for the new day. We don’t like to wake up and feel the effects of having our skin rasped from our body by a host of skittering, mini-abominations that wouldn’t look out of place in a Hollywood horror movie!

Hotels thrive on providing a quality service. Delivery is everything. But how many of this spine tingling horrors did you pay to share a room with?

Beg Bugs

So, let’s clear this up: you haven’t had sex with any loose women recently, right? You’re not allergic to that Doberman that insisted on licking your face after it had given its balls a good working over. You don’t have a personal hygiene problem that leaves your body covered in hives. Where did that rash come from? If you’re really unlucky and you chose to stay in a shitty hotel, you probably had one of these little beauties feasting on your flesh:

Bed bugs. Want to make millions as the author of the Hollywood’s next blockbuster horror movie? Then you need to write a story about bed bugs. Big bed bugs. Bed bugs with tongues like sandpaper that scrape the flesh from your body and leave you covered in steaming piles of poo. But make them big, really big. Make these the mother of all bed bugs. Make your story visceral. Scare the pants of your readers and reap the rewards.

The harsh reality is that these miniature abominations really do eat your skin and crap all over you.

Another, even harsher fact of life, is that, even if you book into the most expensive hotel in London you could still be offering your body up as a three course banquet.

Dust Mites

Dusted you house recently? Did you know that up to 80% of what you mopped up with your little feather duster is the flaky remnants of your skin? Wouldn’t keeping your house clean be so much simpler if there was an easy way of bagging and tagging your flaky epidermis? I have the answer: dust mites. Millions of dust mites. Crawling over you in search of some crispy flakes of skin that are crying out to be nibbled on.

Your eyes are watering but you swear that you didn’t inhale any of the delicious marijuana. You wake up with facial pressure but not because you partner is holding a pillow over your face. You’re rubbing your nose like Daniella Westbrook but you don’t have ‘a little problem with coke and a six month visit to the Priory’ behind you. It can only mean your is a hot destination for dust mites.

Cockroaches

Is you mind playing tricks on you? Are you still scratching at the invisible source of the itches the last two infestations gave you? Forget that. In the game of hotel infestations, bed bugs and dust mites are small fry. Next you’re going to go head to head with a true survivor. Think super hero on steroids. The kind of creature that can survive a nuclear winter. In fact, survive and thrive. Think of a creature that can carry on living for weeks without a head before finally starving to death. Think of a creature that, when squashed, releases thousands of eggs that will replicate its spawn like a tidal wave of filthy, munching, crawling, skittering disgust. Still can’t picture it? Think cockroaches!

Only three creatures will survive a future holocaust: a few unfortunate humans, cannibal mutants and cockroaches. Unfortunately for the human survivors of a post-apocalyptic future, the first two will have only one thing to eat – you!

But let’s not worry about global meltdown and the end of the world just yet. You’re more concerned about what’s lurking in the deep, dark corners of you hotel room, right? Well, unless you’re holidaying in the cold depths of Cornwall you don’t need to worry about mutants. But the cockroaches… ah, the cockroaches. They’re everywhere.

When nature finally reached the ‘Aha’ moment and created a design that could go on and on (I won’t bother with a sorry pun about Duracell) the result was functional but not pretty. Think of it as the antithesis to Hollywood pretty boy Brad Pitt: still built for speed but without the looks.

Calm down! Cockroaches will only eat you when you’re dead. In the meantime you’ll find that they’re actually more scared of you and your shoes. In fact, it would appear that Mother Nature, recognising the evolution of mankind and the rise of insect crushing footwear, gave the cockroach an strange ability to recognise podiatry-shaped danger at a hundred paces. Don’t believe? Next time you see a cockroach watch how it scurries from one spot to the next. It’s fast but not that fast. Then pick up a shoe. Watch the beast as the survival instinct kicks in and its 6 legs launch it into a sprint a grand national winner would be proud of. Uncanny, eh?

Staphylococcus

How many diseases do you think you’re sharing your bed with tonight? One? Two? More? In the case of staphylococcus, it could any one of the hundreds of twisted variants that’s waiting to take up residence is one of the dark, damp orifices of your body. Think alien face hugger but without the dramatic music that’s tells you it’s time to do a runner before you face is turned to mince meat and your intestines are being used as dental floss by a hideous, genetically engineered cousin of Freddie Mercury.

The best known, and, potentially, most lethal, of the staphylococcus family is methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus aka MRSA. If you think the name sounds like something you’d find in a nerds wet dream you’ll be in need of some education. The mere mention of those four letters is enough to send the sphincter of any medical practitioner into violent spasms… with the associated foul smelling results.

MRSA is drug resistant. This means it’s one hard little fucker. How hard? On a scale of 1 to 10: Mike Tyson would have wet himself and run a mile. In his prime. Whilst tanked up on alcohol. And drugs. In fact, it’s so hard that scientists have added methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus to the an elite group of ultra-dedicated, parachute trained, commando viruses capable of wiping out a terrorist cell with one sneeze. Where Special Forces fail, germ warfare will win.

MRSA is everywhere and it’s waiting to ease its way into one of your cavities. Cuts and scrapes and an easy entry point into your body for this virus so I don’t recommend you start licking your hotel bed sheets especially if you just bit your tongue whilst having a spot of lunch and left an open sore on the tip.

Sharing of personal hygiene articles is another great way to share a little MRSA love so don’t think you can get away with wearing that slightly damp underwear the last customer left under the bed.

Oh, yeah – it’s also laid in wait on door handles, gym equipment, table clothes… in fact, it’s everywhere. Don’t panic! You’ll be safe in hospital. Which is actually a lie. Given that many MRSA sufferers are actually in hospital there’s actually a chance you’ll could catch it once you’re admitted!

I think that’s more than enough fun and frivolity to fuel your nightmares for a few weeks. Sleep tight…

Hotels have a long history of playing up their ‘spooky house’ credentials. Some freaky tourists want to be shocked until they poo their pants. Hotels want to make as much money as humanly possible (without killing their clients in order to steal their wallets and empty their bank accounts). So, when needs collide, a new genre in the tourism industry is born: scary holidays.

Yeah, they’ve been going for a while now so nothing new, right? Ask yourself this: before you book yourself into the Village of the Damned do you really know the full history of the place?
Continue reading →

If you’re the type of person that pays their parking fines without question then this post really isn’t for you.

If, on the other hand, you’re determined to go out in a paper trail blaze of glory as you flip a finger to the scourge of the weekend shopper then I have just what you’re looking for.

Before we start, let’s get one thing straight: a parking ticket is not another form of tax. You get them because you’ve been very naughty boys and girls. End of lesson. Continue reading →

For most of us, all we want out of holidays is some time to kick back and relax. Some people are made of sterner stuff and go in search of some spine tingling thrills…

Every now and then I like to find something other than money to talk about. A few days ago, a friend and I were chatting about some of the really scarey places he been to over the years and that sparked an idea for a new post… Continue reading →

Buying a new car is hard enought without having to take its green credentials into consideration. Instead of searching the web for the most fuel efficient cars of 2012, I’ve done the hard work for you and created a list of the 20 most economical new cars in the UK.

As you’ll see, most of them sit in the supermini class but I’ll also be creating a list of the most economical family cars. I’ll update you when it’s complete. Continue reading →

Hollywood would have you believe that pandas make great Kung Fu artists but it’s not true. Likewise, passenger jets don’t make great gliders. Now will someone please tell Ryanair that?

Ryanair – loved and hated in equal measure. This is the kind of company that likes to brag about its low cost credentials. To me, having the qualities of a cheap carrier bag that you put your heavy shopping in is not how I’d want my company to be viewed. Ryanair boss Michael O’Leary seems happy to accept that applause coming from the cheap seats. Continue reading →

Are you looking for a cheap day out in the UK? In that case, you need to check out our ultimate guide to cheap and free destinations around the country.

I spent a fair amount of time mulling over whether I should write up a list of the top destinations. However, after a little bit of searching round the web I came to the conclusion that there are already plenty of excellent guides out there.

I’ve created a list of some of the very best resources I could find. If you know of any others that you think should be on the list then send me an email or leave a comment below with the link. If it’s good, I’ll add it to this guide.

Here we go…

Cheap places to visit in Bristol

Yeah, I did say Bristol! Actually, you’ll probably he surprised at how much there is to see. The official capital of the South West, Bristol straddles the counties of Somerset and Gloucestershire. During the 15th century, the city was the second most important in England. Amongst some of the more interesting places to visit include the city museum with its displays of Bristol through the centuries and Ashton public gardens.

Best list of cheap places to visit in Bristol

Cheap places to visit in Cambridge

Originally a Roman settlement, Cambridge has gone from strength to strength. Over the centuries, the city has morphed from a heavily fortified centre of trade and commerce into the world famous university city that we know today. Among Cambridge universities more significant former students include Charles Darwin and Sir Isaac Newton. Going beyond the walls of the university, you can visit Shepreth wildlife park, go on a bike tour or take a punt down the river Cam.

Best list of cheap places to visit in Cambridge

Cheap places to visit in Cardiff

Dating back over 2,000 years, the city of Cardiff owes its creation to the Romans (AD 55 – 60). The city name literally means “the fort on the river Taff”. Significant points in the history of the city include its destruction in the 15th century by Owain Glyndwr’s army, the granting of city status in 1905 and the birth of Dr Who’s arch-enemies; the Daleks. A long established association with sports can be traced back the hosting of the British and Commonwealth Games of 1958.

Best list of cheap places to visit in Cardiff

Cheap places to visit in Edinburgh

The capital of bonny Scotland, Edinburgh is crammed full museums, gardens and events to cater for just about every taste. One of the historical centres of the Enlightenment, the Old Town and New Town districts are listed as UNESCO World Heritages Sites. The old town area has retained many of the buildings that were standing during the Reformation era of history. With over 4,500 listed buildings and 40 conservation areas, Edinburgh is a lesson in how to protect the UK’s heritage.

Best list of cheap places to visit in Edinburgh

Cheap places to visit in Exeter

The origins of Exeter date as far back as 250 BC and is now home to the Met Office. The old industrial areas of the city itself provide visitors with a glimpse of Exeter’s former glories. The city itself also can be used a great launchpad to tourists and visitors looking to explore deeper into the South West.

Best list of cheap places to visit in Exeter

Cheap places to visit in London

As the capital of our fair country, London is one of the biggest tourist attractions in the United Kingdom. Aside from those world famous cheeky chappies in their black cabs, London contains some of the most historic buildings in the world. From the Houses of Parliament, to Churchills wartime command bunker – there’s an absolute bargain bucket of places to visit. In fact, you’ll be hard pressed to see all the sights of London in your lifetime.

Best cheap places to visit in London

Cheap places to visit in Manchester

Now officially classed as our second city, Manchester is another great place to expericnce some of the history and culture of Britain. A former centre of industry and a key port during the years of the British Empire, the city still retains many of the buildings and architecture of the era. Some of the most impressive sights can be found in the old docklands area. Like London, there are a lot of places that allow free or very cheap access.

Best cheap places to visit in Manchester

Cheap places to visit in St Davids

The smallest city in the United Kingdom, St Davids in Wales is the perfect destination for visitors wishing to step back in time. The tiny city centre offers various attractions including the cathedral and the ruins of the Bishop’s palace.

Best cheap places to visit in St Davids

I’ll be adding more links in the coming weeks so make sure you come back and see if there’s anything useful to. Why not follow me on Twitter? I’ll tweet updates to the post to make it easier for you.

Ever wish you could travel back in time to the great age of steam engines? Wouldn’t it be even better if we could drop the cost of a train ticket in the Victorian era?

Fortunately, there’s no need to expose yourself to the grime and destitution of the 1850′s. Here is the moneysavingzone.co.uk cheap train tickets guide.

Research Your Train Journeys

The word ‘research’ might conjure up images of dome-headed scientists experimenting on a cure for all mankinds ills. I applaud them. Whilst they’re fixing the world you’re going to be doing some research on your train fares.

The most comprehensive list of train times and fares that I’ve found comes from www.thetrainline.com. The website does charge a £1 fee for online booking but the potential savings are huge.

I did some research on a one way ticket from London Euston to Manchester. The cheapest the First Class ticket came in at £62.50. Not bad. But then I looked at the sidebar that indicated there were 3 more deals on the day I am going to travel. The cheapest option? £12.50!!

Ok, it’s not first class but it’s a huge saving.

crosscountrytrains.co.uk is another great source of deals. Some of the train tickets have been reduced by up to 75%. The cheapest ticket for the same route was £73. More expensive than thetrainline.com but still cheaper than buying on the day.

The National Express East Coast actually covers more than just the East coast. The London to Manchester journey costs as little as £12 but only if you travel at 0100!! Cheapest price for normal hours of the day is £62.50.

Buy Your Train Tickets Early

Cheap train tickets are in big demand. No sooner are they advertised and they’re gone. Is there a way to ensure you get the best deals? Yes; you need to book in advance; well in advance. In fact, if you want the very best deals you’ll need to book 12 weeks in advance.

That is quite a long time to book ahead and you may find it’s only really suitable if you’re going on holiday or taking the family to visit relatives. It’s easy to forget the planning and book a few days before you travel but, before you do, check the prices of your train journey. Do you really want to pay £100′s more because you didn’t do a little planning?

Break Your Journey Down

It goes without saying that you’re going to pay more for the convenience of a journey without train changes. But, with a little planning and a change, or two, you could knock a hefty chunk off you ticket price.

Known as ‘split-ticketing’, this method can save you up to 60% off advertised prices (and that includes the already massively discounted tickets). Instead of buying a ticket on, say, a Virgin train that takes you from A to B in a single journey, you buy tickets for different stages.

Let’s take the London to Manchester example and factor in ‘split-ticketing’.

Instead of travelling direct to Manchester, you book a ticket to Birmingham. The lowest price I found was £6. Next book a ticket from Birmingham to Manchester. The lowest price I found was £6.50. So, for a total of £12.50, you can get from London to Manchester without having to travel in the wee hours.

Is split-ticketing legal? Yes, it’s perfectly legal.

Why is split-ticketing so cheap? Because you’re taking advantage of the prices set by each individual train company rather than relying on a single operator.

What could go wrong? The biggest problem you could run into will be delays. If your connecting train departure time is close to your arrival time you may miss your connection. Plan ahead.

Travel Cards

Contrary to popular belief, travel cards aren’t the preserve of students and pensioners (although they do get the best deals and rightly so).

Rail travel cards cater for just about every group you can think of. Here’s a quick rundown of the entitlements:

16 – 25 Railcard

To be able to buy one of these cards you need to be:

Aged 16-25 or a full time student. You also need to hold either a valid passport or UK driving licence.

How much does it cost and what do you get? The 16 – 25 railcard costs £28 for a 1 year subscription or £65 for 3 years. For this rather small sum of money you get 1/3 off UK rail fares for a year.

Friends and Family Railcard

To be able to buy one of these cards you need to be:

Travelling with at least 1 child. Children must be aged between 5 and 15 years old.

How much does it cost and what do you get? The Familay and Friends railcard costs £28 for a 1 year subscription or £65 for 3 years. Adults save 1/3 off ticket prices and childrens tickets are discounted by 60%. You also get some great discounts on hotel bookings, days out and meals in selected restaurants.

Senior Railcard

To be able to buy one of these cards you need to be:

Over 60 years old. You also need a valid passport number or UK driving licence. These will be used to prove your identity.

How much does it cost and what do you get? Senior railcard prices cost the same as the others we’ve talked about so far – £28 for a 1 year subscription or £65 for 3 years. In return, you’ll get 1/3 off Standard and First Class fares. There are additional perks and you can get the latest offers here: http://www.senior-railcard.co.uk/cardholders/offers

Disabled Persons Railcard

To be able to buy one of these cards you need to be:

In receipt of disability-related benefits, have epilepsy, be deaf or a hearing aid user or be registered as visually impaired.

How much does it cost and what do you get? £20 for one year or £54 for
three years. The disabled person railcard lets you save 1/3 on most rail fares across Britain. Make you check your are eligible before yo book. Your travelling companion is also entitled to the same discount.

Network Railcard

To be able to buy one of these cards you need to be:

Travelling in the network railcard area.

How much does it cost and what do you get? For a 12 month subscription that entitles to one third of rail fares on most of the London and south east network you’ll pay £28.

Claim Back Rail Costs

It’s not the best piece of advice for rail travellers as we know you just want to get to your destination with no fuss. But, if your journey is subject to delays, you can claim back at least some of the cost of your ticket.

Your train will need to be delayed by 30 minutes for overground journeys and 15 minutes for Tube journeys for you to be eligible to claim.

Claims forms are available at your local train station.

Did you really think you’d get away with not paying road tax because you drive a lean, mean green machine? The fun’s over. The government is short of cash and George’s hit men are about to unleash a tax raid on four-wheeled eco warriors.

Vehicle Excise Duty, VED, is a necessary evil. Like any tax, the revenue it generates is put to use fixing roads, maintaining traffic networks, etc. The government is constantly telling us that we need to think green; saving the planet matters.

Over the past few years, environmentally aware motorists have been given more and more options to stand by their green credentials whilst continuing the use the roads. In return, anyone that bought into the electric/hybrid car market was rewarded with not having to pay any road tax. Now the government has decided it’s time to lose that benefit.

Why Don’t Electric and Hybrid Cars Pay Road Tax?

VED or, as it’s more commonly known to the over burdened, road tax is based on the emissions generate by your vehicle. As you probably already know, electric cars produce no emissions – they’re the ultimate green machine.

Like a traditional petrol engine, hybrid cars use a small petrol engine to propel the car as well as charging the battery. Typically, the engine in this type of car is very small and produces minimal emissions which affects how much VED you pay.

Ironically, the lack of emissions are the cause of a major headache for the government. If you pay no tax then a very large hole starts to appear in their revenue.

What Is The government doing with road tax?

They’re going to apply VED to all cars. The good old Chelsea tractor will be hit the hardest but electric cars are also going to have a charge slapped on them. “Not fair”, I hear you cry and I agree, to a point. The AA, and a number of the nuttier, fringe groups are calling this a conspiracy.

Apparently secret plans leaked to the certain consumer groups are being used to demonise the coalition as some kind of gang of rotters. Let’s stamp on this once and for all: get real!

You might think that, by doing your part and helping to save the world, you should get a break. It doesn’t work that way. I know it’s hard. We’re all a bit skint but anyone complaining needs to take a reality check.

Pollution: The Facts

Yes, we need to think about the environment. The world population is growing. Pollution will grow inline with population growth. The environment will suffer and something needs to be done about it. 7 billion people makes an awful lot of rubbish and pollution that Mother Earth really can’t cope with.

By 2050, the human inhabitants of this planet are expected to reach 9 billion. Living space will be at a premium. We’ll still need land on which to grow food and raise livestock (unless we descend into a nightmare ‘Soylent Green‘ scenario).

Taxes, Taxes and more Taxes

Taxes are essential. Not only are they used to fund the UK”s network of motorways and roads but they’re also used like financial poly filler whenever the government finds a ‘little’ blackhole in their figures

As tax revenue from road tax falls, the government is left with a problem: where is the money going to come from?

The sensible option is to move away from a system that uses emissions as the basis for determining the amount you pay.

Alternatives to Road Tax

Some quarters are now suggesting that instead of this stealth tax we should be moving towards a ‘pay as you drive’ system.

Instead of this, I think all vehicle owners should be taxed at a flat rate; if you own a car you pay for the privilege. This might seem like insanity but here are a few considerations:

1. The heaviest users of private transport aren’t you and I. It’s industry. If the government were to create a pay as you drive system then costs will go up. You might save some money on your annual tax bill but everything you buy would rise in price.
2. Low earners will be punished. Think of the commuter who earns an average salary but has to commute long distances to the workplace. Could they really afford the additional burden of a ‘pay as you drive’ system?
3. The initial outlay required to build this type of system is huge. The RAC Foundation produced a road governance faq that a similar system in Holland cost £4.7 to setup and run for the first 5 years.!

Ironically, this means we’ll need to pay even more taxes to pay for a new form of taxation. Lunacy

So, what options do you have? The most obvious is the good old stiff upper lip. Take it on the chin and get on with life. This may seem harsh but it’s something we Brits do well.

If you’re feeling a little punch drunk you could always go cold turkey and give up your car altogether. Buy a bicycle, use public or reacquaint yourself with the method of locomotion that nature gave you.

Lastly, you could try screaming, crying, stamping your feet and signing a petition against VED on your eco car. At a guess, I’d say this will all be in vain. The Chancellor will nod, sympathise with your predicament, agree that you are a paragon of green virtue… then levy road tax on your eco car!

From troublesome relatives to your identity; there’s nothing you can’t lose in a hotel.

1. Lose The Weight

Weight loss it a big issue for many of us. A few extra pounds here and there are enough to make you cry into your extra-large, cheese stuffed pizza. It’s no wonder that hotel gyms are prime real estate.

Do you know where those queues of fitness fanatics and slimmers alike lead? I can tell you now: to a suite filled with torture devices that would be more at home in the Tower of London. Continue reading →